Ahhh.... Summer time is when the girls let their belly buttons out.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Congratulations Fred, This One Is For You
"Today the band KISS held a press conference and announced that this will be their "Final Tour"....Fuck , one can ONLY HOPE. Right now I'm boarding up my windows, stocking up on canned goods, I have the short-wave radio, the flashlights, everything I need for a long vigil. I'm preparing for an onslaught from the much-touted KISS Army, those legions of fans who don't seem to feel used or hoodwinked or bamboozled or bled dry like kosher cows. It's the KISS Army vs. the Voice of Reason as we are forced to undergo another "last chance to see KISS" rap before they're entombed in the Valley of the Kings with the rest of the Pharaohs. I think the only reason KISS is really retiring this time is because all their fans are in Chapter 11 Bankruptcy from buying the Um-teenth "Live Album" and Action Figure and "Rockin' Program" and KISS Mug and KISS poster and KISS Panties and KISS bandanas and KISS Twizzlers and KISS Soup Mix and let's not forget the One KISS Boot Uncle Sid bought for Aunt Sadie to correct her Clubfoot. Thanks to KISS now Aunt Sadie won't have to walk along theedge of the Curb anymore. Thank you KISS, thank you for everything.
So, I'm wrong and they're right. KISS are really doing it "for the fans". Or, as I see it, KISS are the most money-grubbing hypocritical Shylock Televangelists this side of Jim Jones. As I see it, KISS want your Money, nay, DEMAND your money. In exchange you get...well, you get KISS . The four guys in make-up, the songs, and of course the Bottom Line, the Merch. All Hail the Merch. They set up their tent, put on their Rock Show and jam the collection Plate in your Belly till it hurts. And you pay through the nose, brother.
I'm certainly not gonna tell people how to spend their money but...KISS Fans, don't you ALREADY own all this shit? Haven't you already bought the posters and the coffee mugs and the God-forsaken Action Figures and the records by the score, don't you already own them? What next, KISS Spoken Word? The only thing new in the KISS catalog is when technology updates it's listening format, so maybe if KISS hangs around for another 5 years they'll invent a new mini-CD or something. Then we can buy all 700 records all over again. I guess my thought is, how many millions does it take for KISS to be rich enough? How many shots of Adrenaline does Ace Frehley have to endure before he says "Fuck this. I'm 80 years old and I don't fancy being an Action Figure anymore."
But you know it isn't really KISS that chaps my hide. I can respect their longevity and the fact they're rock'n' roll icons (Literally). If I had to focus on the one thing that I hate about KISS it would have to be...Gene Simmons Tongue. That ridiculous stupid Sticking-out-of-the-Tongue Thing that he's done picture after picture, year after fucking year, like a cuckoo clock, like the Mad Tea Party. I don't care that he's got thousands of Polaroids of all his fucks, frankly in this day and age that's fucking creepy. Who is this guy, Predator? But it isn't even the geeky Polaroids that chaps my hide, it's that fucking tongue, the incessant tongue. Sure, I know, that's his Character, he's a Demon or something, he's Evil, him and his tongue, they're in League with the Big Guy. That 50 year-old long-ass fucking piece of tongue-meat, the same tongue Columbus stepped on when he discovered the New World, the same tongue Lincoln tripped over when he delivered the Gettysburg Address, the same tongue Hitler waved to at the 1936 Berlin Olympics, Gene on the floor of the Stadium breathing fire and screaming "NOTICE ME--NOTICE ME" Oh, and by the way, buy my warehouse full of KISS Shit. Each year they trot KISS out and say this is the Last Reunion. The women cry, the men tear at their beards like the Old Testament, and invariably everyone runs to the Merch Booth to plunk down their last $$ for a $30 KISS Color-T. Or a $20 commemorative KISS Lobster Bib. Or the One-Time-Only KISS Ace Frehley Toy Defibrillator so when he looks like he's gonna croak up there you can give him a little Jolt and keep him going till the Bitter End. But don't ya see? As long as there's a Free-Market economy KISS will never die. They can freeze Gene's Head in Liquid Nitrogen but that tongue of his will still be goin' strong, wiggling and leering and pointing the way to more and more futuristic KISS merch. We can stuff KISS and put 'em in Disneyland, right next to "Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln." That way they don't ever have to die, they can still freak you out with that amazing stage presence and those patented stage moments like "Sure Sounds like Philly!!" or "You people know how to ROCK ' N ' ROLL ALL NIGHT --AND PARTY EV-ER-Y DAY!!." But most importantly you'll still be able to PAY, as long as there's one single Action Figure left on the Shelf we'll always have KISS, those Madcap Harlequins of Rock, those Zany Merchants of Cheap Plastic, the Antics, the Theatre, the Merch, the Songs, the Videos, the Merch, the Records, the Costumes, the Merch, the Pompousness, the Wearing-out-of-Their-Welcome, the Merch, the Failings , the Squeezing Dry of the Public, the Merch, the Umteenth Last Tour, the Last Gasp, the Merch. Thank God for the Merch."
--Jizzy Pearl
So, I'm wrong and they're right. KISS are really doing it "for the fans". Or, as I see it, KISS are the most money-grubbing hypocritical Shylock Televangelists this side of Jim Jones. As I see it, KISS want your Money, nay, DEMAND your money. In exchange you get...well, you get KISS . The four guys in make-up, the songs, and of course the Bottom Line, the Merch. All Hail the Merch. They set up their tent, put on their Rock Show and jam the collection Plate in your Belly till it hurts. And you pay through the nose, brother.
I'm certainly not gonna tell people how to spend their money but...KISS Fans, don't you ALREADY own all this shit? Haven't you already bought the posters and the coffee mugs and the God-forsaken Action Figures and the records by the score, don't you already own them? What next, KISS Spoken Word? The only thing new in the KISS catalog is when technology updates it's listening format, so maybe if KISS hangs around for another 5 years they'll invent a new mini-CD or something. Then we can buy all 700 records all over again. I guess my thought is, how many millions does it take for KISS to be rich enough? How many shots of Adrenaline does Ace Frehley have to endure before he says "Fuck this. I'm 80 years old and I don't fancy being an Action Figure anymore."
But you know it isn't really KISS that chaps my hide. I can respect their longevity and the fact they're rock'n' roll icons (Literally). If I had to focus on the one thing that I hate about KISS it would have to be...Gene Simmons Tongue. That ridiculous stupid Sticking-out-of-the-Tongue Thing that he's done picture after picture, year after fucking year, like a cuckoo clock, like the Mad Tea Party. I don't care that he's got thousands of Polaroids of all his fucks, frankly in this day and age that's fucking creepy. Who is this guy, Predator? But it isn't even the geeky Polaroids that chaps my hide, it's that fucking tongue, the incessant tongue. Sure, I know, that's his Character, he's a Demon or something, he's Evil, him and his tongue, they're in League with the Big Guy. That 50 year-old long-ass fucking piece of tongue-meat, the same tongue Columbus stepped on when he discovered the New World, the same tongue Lincoln tripped over when he delivered the Gettysburg Address, the same tongue Hitler waved to at the 1936 Berlin Olympics, Gene on the floor of the Stadium breathing fire and screaming "NOTICE ME--NOTICE ME" Oh, and by the way, buy my warehouse full of KISS Shit. Each year they trot KISS out and say this is the Last Reunion. The women cry, the men tear at their beards like the Old Testament, and invariably everyone runs to the Merch Booth to plunk down their last $$ for a $30 KISS Color-T. Or a $20 commemorative KISS Lobster Bib. Or the One-Time-Only KISS Ace Frehley Toy Defibrillator so when he looks like he's gonna croak up there you can give him a little Jolt and keep him going till the Bitter End. But don't ya see? As long as there's a Free-Market economy KISS will never die. They can freeze Gene's Head in Liquid Nitrogen but that tongue of his will still be goin' strong, wiggling and leering and pointing the way to more and more futuristic KISS merch. We can stuff KISS and put 'em in Disneyland, right next to "Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln." That way they don't ever have to die, they can still freak you out with that amazing stage presence and those patented stage moments like "Sure Sounds like Philly!!" or "You people know how to ROCK ' N ' ROLL ALL NIGHT --AND PARTY EV-ER-Y DAY!!." But most importantly you'll still be able to PAY, as long as there's one single Action Figure left on the Shelf we'll always have KISS, those Madcap Harlequins of Rock, those Zany Merchants of Cheap Plastic, the Antics, the Theatre, the Merch, the Songs, the Videos, the Merch, the Records, the Costumes, the Merch, the Pompousness, the Wearing-out-of-Their-Welcome, the Merch, the Failings , the Squeezing Dry of the Public, the Merch, the Umteenth Last Tour, the Last Gasp, the Merch. Thank God for the Merch."
--Jizzy Pearl
Friday, April 22, 2005
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
It's time for a younger pope
Has anyone seen the new/old pope? This guy is 78 yrs old, they'll be sending up smoke signals again soon. I'll give them maybe 5 yrs at the most.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Life of a solicitor
Hi guys. A little update from London. Today I went to the Royal Courts of Justice to lodge my first document with the court. (In the U.S., we "file" documents with the court -- sounds like they're putting it away to ignore it. Here they "lodge" them -- shove them right up the court's ass, where it hurts the most.) What a beautiful building that is; it's designed like a cathedral.
Well, I now remember that April is the month for psychotic weather in England. Over the course of three days, I saw snowflakes, hail, rain, and sunshine. Sunday was great. I went to the park and was outside in a T-shirt. Now it's getting cold again for a while.
They have an election here in May. Black Tony Blair is up against Michael Howard of the conservative party (I don't know if he's black or not).
The area where I work is called Aldgate. It is on the east side of the very center of town, which is, in the technical sense, the City of London. In the parlance of the legal industry (and I think that of many industries) it is referred to as the "City". Apparently, the shipping industry has been in this particular part of town for centuries. I believe the original Lloyds was somewhere around here. I am about an eight-minute walk from the Tower of London, the old fort where I think they still keep the Crown Jewels. I, of course, still keep my family jewels safely inside my "tighty-whities" (extra funny when pronounced with three proper British "t" sounds -- go on, try it!).
The work is really interesting. They are all claims relating to ships. Some are charterparties -- contracts where ships' owners let out vessels to different companies. The claims arise all over the world, and I don't just mean North America and Europe. I mean Nigeria, South Africa, Egypt, India, Singapore, China, Brazil, et cetera. I really like the work.
I am also learning a lot about the quirky English civil procedure. The US is so well organised when it comes to the judiciary (I did that on purpose!). Moreover, the US is able to coordinate the jurisdictions of 49 states, plus weird-ass Louisiana, plus D.C., plus Puerto Rico, plus other jurisdictions like U.S. Virgin Islands, Guam, and other stuff -- then on top of that a single federal judiciary. Amazing! Here, they have the burden of incorporating centuries of tradition, which is very difficult to just throw out the window. In the U.S., we were able to re-think a lot of things and create an all-new system based on what had been learned.
London is a great town. There is lots to do, and, even though it is an outrageously expensive place to live, there is a lot going on for free if you look hard enough. Me and sweet lady plan on becoming experts. By the way, Parisa sends her regards to all of you, and we look forward to seeing you here and back home. I would like to start trying to plan a Stu Crew UK re-union. Maybe we can do it this summer if the homies are able. Otherwise, maybe we can try the fall (September or October). Ma and Pa are going to try to come at the end of May/beginning of June. Also, Parisa and I are going to Romania for a few days at the end of July for Jerome's wedding. Hey Jose, Miguel, remember the dude from Trinidad that lived in the dorm? Getting married in Romania on Y Guy's birthday! Why Romania? His wife is from there, but they're living here in London. Should be great fun.
Well, my people, I miss you all. I'll bring you more news soon.
Juan
Mobile +44 (0)78 9191 9372
Dialing from U.S. 011 44 78 9191 9372
Well, I now remember that April is the month for psychotic weather in England. Over the course of three days, I saw snowflakes, hail, rain, and sunshine. Sunday was great. I went to the park and was outside in a T-shirt. Now it's getting cold again for a while.
They have an election here in May. Black Tony Blair is up against Michael Howard of the conservative party (I don't know if he's black or not).
The area where I work is called Aldgate. It is on the east side of the very center of town, which is, in the technical sense, the City of London. In the parlance of the legal industry (and I think that of many industries) it is referred to as the "City". Apparently, the shipping industry has been in this particular part of town for centuries. I believe the original Lloyds was somewhere around here. I am about an eight-minute walk from the Tower of London, the old fort where I think they still keep the Crown Jewels. I, of course, still keep my family jewels safely inside my "tighty-whities" (extra funny when pronounced with three proper British "t" sounds -- go on, try it!).
The work is really interesting. They are all claims relating to ships. Some are charterparties -- contracts where ships' owners let out vessels to different companies. The claims arise all over the world, and I don't just mean North America and Europe. I mean Nigeria, South Africa, Egypt, India, Singapore, China, Brazil, et cetera. I really like the work.
I am also learning a lot about the quirky English civil procedure. The US is so well organised when it comes to the judiciary (I did that on purpose!). Moreover, the US is able to coordinate the jurisdictions of 49 states, plus weird-ass Louisiana, plus D.C., plus Puerto Rico, plus other jurisdictions like U.S. Virgin Islands, Guam, and other stuff -- then on top of that a single federal judiciary. Amazing! Here, they have the burden of incorporating centuries of tradition, which is very difficult to just throw out the window. In the U.S., we were able to re-think a lot of things and create an all-new system based on what had been learned.
London is a great town. There is lots to do, and, even though it is an outrageously expensive place to live, there is a lot going on for free if you look hard enough. Me and sweet lady plan on becoming experts. By the way, Parisa sends her regards to all of you, and we look forward to seeing you here and back home. I would like to start trying to plan a Stu Crew UK re-union. Maybe we can do it this summer if the homies are able. Otherwise, maybe we can try the fall (September or October). Ma and Pa are going to try to come at the end of May/beginning of June. Also, Parisa and I are going to Romania for a few days at the end of July for Jerome's wedding. Hey Jose, Miguel, remember the dude from Trinidad that lived in the dorm? Getting married in Romania on Y Guy's birthday! Why Romania? His wife is from there, but they're living here in London. Should be great fun.
Well, my people, I miss you all. I'll bring you more news soon.
Juan
Mobile +44 (0)78 9191 9372
Dialing from U.S. 011 44 78 9191 9372
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
The Taming of the Stu
A few new stus for the crew...
The other night Sheila and I went to a friend of a friend's for dinner, and she made Indian food. She made some cauliflower and I referred to it as curryflower; quite clever if I do say so myself. When it came time for dessert she said that dessert wouldn't be as spicy as dinner. She also mentioned that there were some desserts in the cookbook that were spicy, one of them being ice cream. So of course it prompted me to refer to it as spice cream. Last night, Sheila informed me that female cats also have periods. I then inquired if cats also go through menopaws.
Three great stus in three days. I suppose if you count the title of this post, you could say it's actually four stus. Could it be a new awakening for the art of stu? Stay tuned...
The other night Sheila and I went to a friend of a friend's for dinner, and she made Indian food. She made some cauliflower and I referred to it as curryflower; quite clever if I do say so myself. When it came time for dessert she said that dessert wouldn't be as spicy as dinner. She also mentioned that there were some desserts in the cookbook that were spicy, one of them being ice cream. So of course it prompted me to refer to it as spice cream. Last night, Sheila informed me that female cats also have periods. I then inquired if cats also go through menopaws.
Three great stus in three days. I suppose if you count the title of this post, you could say it's actually four stus. Could it be a new awakening for the art of stu? Stay tuned...
Sunday, April 03, 2005
The Sea Dog
Markleberry Bourbon spotted this little jewel at Gatsby's last night and he just had to have it. I'm certain the Sea Dog will soon return to the beach again this summer. Enjoy!
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Rowan Alexander Block----is born 4/2/05
"Long babies with a perpetual tan"-Frank Martinez 1993
http://www.bottletree.net/Rowan%20Pics.htm
Strangely, we had no idea about the significance of the date of the name Rowan. You can read about the name on the below link.
http://www.bottletree.net/Rowan.htm
Thanks
http://www.bottletree.net/Rowan%20Pics.htm
Strangely, we had no idea about the significance of the date of the name Rowan. You can read about the name on the below link.
http://www.bottletree.net/Rowan.htm
Thanks
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